Relationships are here to make you conscious

Relationships are not here to make you happy. To some extent many would agree that we shouldn’t depend on others for our own happiness. However, in one way or another, people have an impact on how happy we are. Whether that is our partners, friends, family members or colleagues. People impact our moods.

One book that I really enjoy and have read many times, is The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. One of the agreements is to not take anything personally. Don talks about how other people’s moods and perspectives can affect how they treat us. For example, on one day someone can pay us the highest compliment and then the next, the most hurtful criticism. If we allow ourselves to be at the whim of what that person says, our emotions will go up and down like a roller coaster. Therefore, the idea is to take things from a balanced perspective.

Don even goes as far as saying, that if someone pulls out a gun on you, don’t take it personal. You could look at this as an extreme example of the saying “no one can hurt you without your consent”.

Man’s search for meaning by Viktor Frankl, is a great example of someone who was put through an extreme ordeal (concentration camps) and how he overcame hurtful treatment that was beyond his control. He used the very harsh circumstances as an opportunity to learn a lesson.

Recently, I read a book, which I believe was by Eckhart Tolle, where he said that relationships are here to make you conscious. As soon as I heard the phrase, I connected with it. I strongly believe that we can learn something from everyone and that there is a lesson to be learned in every situation. The unhappiness that we feel as a result of others, is often the revealing of our own wounds. It provides us with an opportunity to embrace those wounds, be conscious of them and begin a healing process.

It might sound strange but, we should be grateful for it. That’s not to say that it’s easy. I struggle with this and often avoid being around company that I don’t enjoy. Just to be clear, I’m not advocating the idea of being around people you don’t like, simply for the sake of self development. However, it is often those that we like, that hurt us the most.

When you take the view that they are here to make you happy, this can be extremely frustrating. However, when you take the perspective that they are here to make you conscious, it allows you to look at yourself in the mirror and use it as an opportunity to grow.